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Most people are familiar with the way people who are addicted to drugs or alcohol mess up their lives to feed their addiction. However, they aren't aware that they may also be addicts. Often, women who have gone through a divorce become addicted to depression or pain because they're used to feeling bad and are afraid of losing love and attention if they begin to feel better. Using negative thinking is one way that women pull themselves down and make themselves depressed. Learn to eliminate this type of thinking from your life to help stimulate positive feelings and moods in your life.

One common reason that women who have gone through a divorce get depressed is that their behavior doesn't match their expectations of themselves. Sometimes this is because the expectations of themselves are too high. For example, some women expect themselves to learn new skills perfectly or to never experience negative moods such as anger or sadness. When they inevitably fall short of these impossible standards, they beat themselves up mentally by thinking they are failures or that they shouldn't feel the way they feel.

This unhealthy cycle can be broken by examining your expectations of yourself when you're calm. Ask yourself if your expectations are realistic. If they are not realistic, write down new expectations that are more realistic. Read over your new expectations when you get up in the morning so that you are more likely to live by these new expectations.

Whether your expectations are realistic or not, you need to learn to stop being mean to yourself when you don't do as well as you want. You need to be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Ask yourself how you would talk to a friend who made the mistake you just made. Change your self-talk so that it matches what you would say to your friend.

If your expectations are realistic, but you are unable to meet them, there are several things you can do. First, use visual reminders to help you remember what behaviors you expect of yourself. Use affirmations such as "I am powerful" or "I calmly stand up for myself" to help you change your behavior. Put these reminders on sticky notes around your house. Finally, continue to be gentle and patient with yourself when you fail to reach your goal. Examine what happened and figure out where you went wrong without getting angry at yourself so that you can learn from your mistakes and keep growing.

If you want to stop feeling depressed and change your behavior, you need to let go of unrealistic expectations and negative thinking. Trust that you will be safe and loved if you feel happy, and keep working on changing your negative thoughts and negative self-talk so that you can truly change your life.